welcome to my world
My name is Courteney Callista. I am a five year old tabby cat. My mommy is my typist. I love My Human. She worships me. She's letting me do this blog thing because I threatened to pounce her beloved stupid interactive pet Furbies.I detest competition so it is my sworn duty to pounce them and tear out clumps of fur. It makes The Mommy very angry, and she is pretty wacko so I reserve pouncing the annoying beasts for when I really want my way. Mostly, though, The Mommy lets me do anything I please. Only when I pounce the Furbies, get near the Idiot Box (not from the mommy: courteney calls the computer the idiot box because it is her biggest competition for my attention.I think she is secretly plotting some type of kitty voo doo to hex my beloved putey.) or "make out" with her shelves does she get really, really wacko. I have her pretty well trained at this point. Only furniture I am forbidden on is the thing the Idiot Box sits on, which isn't even comfortable, anyway.
Now you may wonder, what are "sexy kanga paws"? The Mommy came up with that. Apparently, I have "huge" paws and when I'm feeling frisky and feisty, I "box like a kangaroo" with my front and back paws. I don't get it either, but it seems to make The Mommy very happy to call me "miss sexy kanga paws", so I go along with it. I mean, it is a pretty cool nickname. And I am SO SEXY. Not that I'm interested in things like that anymore. The Mommy saw to that three years ago. Long story, but bottom line was, I was tired of "accidentally" getting preggers and she was tired of me seranading her at all hours and doing my "bootie in the air" boogie. Boy cats are idiots, anyway. BEASTS. Come to think of it, I really don't have much use for other cats. Or dogs. Or anything that might take The Mommy's attention from me. Can you say ONLY CHILD? Damn straight! She has me, what on Earth would she want with any other inferior beings?
I digress. I think I may have kitty attention defacit. I do rant, but I blame The Mommy. She sits at the idiot box for hours and I am forced to pounce her and demand my proper worship. Maybe toxic waves from the Idiot Box have given me brain damage. God knows it couldn't be my catnip addiction. No way. It''s medicinal, man. I have a condition.
Not much going on in my world today. Mommy hollared for me and I came to her, and she picked me up and actually paid attention to me and not the idiot box, but then she got itchy and out me down, saying my shedding is making her allergies act up. She takes alot of pink and white pills. She says they're medicinal, but I wonder if she may have a drug problem. Every day like clockwork she also takes two green and purple pills and a red pill, her "happy" pills as she calls them. I have noticed that without them she gets very cranky and she cries alot, doesn't get up. Maybe they really are medicinal.
Anyway, I meandered the apartment for awhile, nibbled on some kitty grindage. Mommy had to buy a new idiot box so I have been reduced to eating SuperCheapCrap. The horror! Every month when she pays bills, though, I get some cans of yummy kitty gourmet grindage. But, I whine for it so much I am out by the second or third day and the rest of the month my delicate taste buds have to endure the cheap crap. Maybe The Mommy should just tell me no and make the yummies last longer. I mean, she is the mommy. I'm the baby. I can't be expected to show self control. It's her job to do the boring stuff. My job is to look sexy, be adorable, and sleep.
Mom went to the bathroom and as is my routine, I went with her, because she needs me to protect her from the Evil Tidy Bowl Man. Once I saw she was okay and back in front of the idiot box, I climbed on top of a pile of clothes and now I am napping. My morning was just exhausting. The Mommy of course is annoyed because my "bed" consists of clean laundry and most of it is dark, so my beautiful fur clings to it. I don't get why she's upset. What outfit is complete without cat hair? I mean, come on, this is haute kitty fashion. My comfort is also crucial. Dirty laundry just isn't the same. Maybe later, when I wake up for my fifteen minute prowl about, I can get The Mommy to throw those furry things she calls "mice" and I can fetch them for her. That's fun and it makes her happy. She pets me and tells me what a good girl I am. Duh, of course, I'm a good girl and I'm pretty and sexy.
Gee, I wonder how much longer it will be till I hear back from catsgonewild.com about those naked pics I sent. They may have died from my kanga sexiness. I'm going to be a centerfold, I just know it. Gotta find a way to make more money so the mom can buy me more kitty crank and canned yumminess.
I have needs.
Now you may wonder, what are "sexy kanga paws"? The Mommy came up with that. Apparently, I have "huge" paws and when I'm feeling frisky and feisty, I "box like a kangaroo" with my front and back paws. I don't get it either, but it seems to make The Mommy very happy to call me "miss sexy kanga paws", so I go along with it. I mean, it is a pretty cool nickname. And I am SO SEXY. Not that I'm interested in things like that anymore. The Mommy saw to that three years ago. Long story, but bottom line was, I was tired of "accidentally" getting preggers and she was tired of me seranading her at all hours and doing my "bootie in the air" boogie. Boy cats are idiots, anyway. BEASTS. Come to think of it, I really don't have much use for other cats. Or dogs. Or anything that might take The Mommy's attention from me. Can you say ONLY CHILD? Damn straight! She has me, what on Earth would she want with any other inferior beings?
I digress. I think I may have kitty attention defacit. I do rant, but I blame The Mommy. She sits at the idiot box for hours and I am forced to pounce her and demand my proper worship. Maybe toxic waves from the Idiot Box have given me brain damage. God knows it couldn't be my catnip addiction. No way. It''s medicinal, man. I have a condition.
Not much going on in my world today. Mommy hollared for me and I came to her, and she picked me up and actually paid attention to me and not the idiot box, but then she got itchy and out me down, saying my shedding is making her allergies act up. She takes alot of pink and white pills. She says they're medicinal, but I wonder if she may have a drug problem. Every day like clockwork she also takes two green and purple pills and a red pill, her "happy" pills as she calls them. I have noticed that without them she gets very cranky and she cries alot, doesn't get up. Maybe they really are medicinal.
Anyway, I meandered the apartment for awhile, nibbled on some kitty grindage. Mommy had to buy a new idiot box so I have been reduced to eating SuperCheapCrap. The horror! Every month when she pays bills, though, I get some cans of yummy kitty gourmet grindage. But, I whine for it so much I am out by the second or third day and the rest of the month my delicate taste buds have to endure the cheap crap. Maybe The Mommy should just tell me no and make the yummies last longer. I mean, she is the mommy. I'm the baby. I can't be expected to show self control. It's her job to do the boring stuff. My job is to look sexy, be adorable, and sleep.
Mom went to the bathroom and as is my routine, I went with her, because she needs me to protect her from the Evil Tidy Bowl Man. Once I saw she was okay and back in front of the idiot box, I climbed on top of a pile of clothes and now I am napping. My morning was just exhausting. The Mommy of course is annoyed because my "bed" consists of clean laundry and most of it is dark, so my beautiful fur clings to it. I don't get why she's upset. What outfit is complete without cat hair? I mean, come on, this is haute kitty fashion. My comfort is also crucial. Dirty laundry just isn't the same. Maybe later, when I wake up for my fifteen minute prowl about, I can get The Mommy to throw those furry things she calls "mice" and I can fetch them for her. That's fun and it makes her happy. She pets me and tells me what a good girl I am. Duh, of course, I'm a good girl and I'm pretty and sexy.
Gee, I wonder how much longer it will be till I hear back from catsgonewild.com about those naked pics I sent. They may have died from my kanga sexiness. I'm going to be a centerfold, I just know it. Gotta find a way to make more money so the mom can buy me more kitty crank and canned yumminess.
I have needs.
posted by sexykangapaws at 7:19 AM
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